The Joys Of Non-Penetration

There are many reasons that people would want to experience outercourse. I recently had an experience where a lover had an STI infection and didn’t want to have penetration. So we got creative with ways to experience pleasure. For other people they have religious needs to abide by. And others just don’t enjoy the sensation at all. It can also be a sweet novelty to change gears occasionally and do something different.

Frottage, dry humping or outercourse. These are similar names for doing anything that doesn’t involve inserting genitals, fingers, toys into the anus or vagina. Frottage (a French word I love) is the act of rubbing against someone in a sexual way. I personally love to hump or be humped. It has a feeling of desperation and a need unmet. There is a vast scope for people to touch, squeeze, caress, rub and grind on each other. This can be with clothes on or off. 

Another sensual, intimate and exciting outcourse experience is mutual masterbation. This can be either touching your own body or the body of another person. This stimulation can be super sexy and thrilling. We can learn so much from watching another person's self pleasure. This situation can ease the stress of having to perform or reach a certain sex goal. There is endless touch pleasure for people wanting to explore. 

Outcourse can include oral sex and hand sex if thats on the menu. I’m constantly asking people to expand their understanding of ‘sex’. When we use our imaginations there are a wide variety of ways to get turned on. This can help couples to jump out of old grooves into new possibilities. Our bodies are covered in nerve endings that can give us erotic charges. I hope for a world where sex is more than genitals and penetration.

Orgasmicity - Fancy way to say horny!

Opening to the flow. Orgasmicity isn’t just about having orgasms. It is allowing the flow of sexual energy to pass through your body. A technical definition of an orgasm would be something like ‘the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement during the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure’ (wikipedia).

If we expand that to include the whole body then we are talking about a wider experience of orgasmicity. This is really fascinating me now, as a professional sex therapist and sexological bodyworker, and as a person that loves pleasure. How can we open more to feel more? Instead of just having a single moment of orgasm, lets see what it feels like to be an orgasm.

I’ve followed this trail back to a brilliant researcher, psychoanalyst and bodyworker called Wilhelm Reich. He pioneered many concepts relating to healthy sexuality and well being. His bodywork focused on the releasing of body armour. The idea was that when we experience shocks or trauma in life, that these events congeal in our bodies as tension. They get stored there and restrict the movement of pleasure and sensations. This armouring can occur in sections along the body from the skull down to the pelvis. By applying pressure to these areas the muscular memory tension can be released and the sexuality can flow again. This is also linked to feeling safe and aroused. These are the two key things I talk to people about in sessions. When we are more relaxed it is easier for the blood to flow and nerves to have more sensation. 

Doing yoga, stretches, exercise, having massage or Reichian bodywork we can have more orgasmicity. Being softer in the body and mind, we notice the subtle sensations and amplify the scent of a lover, hear the nuance of autumn rain, or the trail of nails over skin. Being an orgasm is a skill to be practiced, like learning anything. Pay attention to stimulation, allow rather than resist, fill your palette with colour; and importantly let the body be ready to receive. There is a sweet spot of balance between too tight muscles and floppy limp. Having a toned body, especially the pelvis (squats or Kegals) will permit a transmission of sensation. Of course the mind needs to be open also. If you expect sex to be blissful and fun, then its more likely to be positive and pleasureable.

While orgasimicity can be orgasmic and climactic it might be best to avoid chasing them. Orgasms are fun, or painful, or elusive or divine. When they are your goal and focus, we can miss the fine details of life. I am suggesting that feeling the small variations could be a key to great rapture.

Proximity Hearts - Finding the right distance in love

There is an optimal distance between two people. Something like the Goldilocks effect, not too far and not too near; just right. I discovered this with a lover recently, when we were too close our respective attachment styles went crazy. When we were too far apart then the relational charge was lost. 

Most people would have heard of codependency. This is a theory rather than a proved model or evidence based. The idea is that one or two people in a relationship will try to control the other by being excessively supportive. This creates an extended game of manipulation and ultimately is toxic to healthy loving. The other side of the coin is people that are cold or distant. This can stave the dynamic of oxygen or food. Many people like this fear intimacy and will turn away from a lover. They hope that making the distance greater will keep them safe. I’ve seen this many times in my couples counselling sessions. One person will withdraw and isolate, that's often terminal, unless there's a bold move from someone.

The solution is to stay aware. Notice if you’re in each other pockets too much. Pay attention to distractions and addictions, workaholics etc. There is an old metaphor, using the language of dancing to explain this concept. Dancing isn’t lying on each other, it's moving, swirling, being close at times than further apart. I also like the analogy to house plants, they need some water, light and food. If they get too little or too much of those things they die. Given just the right amount they flourish and bloom. Finding the sweet spot of proximity can be tricky. Hollywood and the media really push the codependency model. So to have healthy interactions we need to imagine a new paradigm. We need tools like awareness and discipline. Also love, patience, emotional IQ, courage and hope. Like a toddler learning to walk we will sometimes lean too far forward or back. Falling on your face, or on your ass, is part of learning to balance. 

The Pay Off, when you both hit the perfect proximity there is flow. Everything momentarily is easy and delicious. Then there's a miss step or complacency, and back to the bumpy ride. I believe that this is a sacred journey, to feel the pulse of the universe through our intimate relationships.

3 Things For a Healthy Sex Life

There are three main elements to having a Healthy Sex Life.

1. Balancing - Having a balance of ingredients in your sex life is important. This means not having excess sex (sex addict) or too little (lonely).

Also there needs to be a mix of flavours in the loving. There is research from the Kinsey Institute in America suggesting that we have a Dual Control for our sexuality. We all have a brake and an accelerator. The way we have love with someone else is a combination of how much we use the brake or the accelerator. Too much of either will either make us crash or never leave the garage. So when you’re in bed with your partner explore what happens if you touch down on either pedal.

2. Shame, overcoming it! One of the greatest obstacles to people having fulfilling sex lives is shame. Many clients come to see me with barrow loads of shame about body image, behaviours and desires. I still have these feelings too! There are still endless experiences I have with lovers when I need to overcome the shame. My approach has been to start with, “Hey Lover, I’m feeling shame about X, would it be OK if I tell you about it?” Usually they say “sure” and I can share that I’m really turned on by yachts (not a real example). By naming the desire it often loses its sting. My partner might say “Hmm I’m not into that but how about hang gliders?” Or “Fuck yeah thats my thing too, lets get it on.” Either way it opens an honest conversation about how we can meet each other.

3. Safety. There is a wonderful TED talk by Dr Sue Johnson called The New Frontier of Sex & Intimacy. Dr Johnson claims that the single most important element for people to enjoy and deepen into sex is safety. She lists research into human physiology that when we feel safe that we can fully open into the experience of sex. Her mentions that this sex is not about exotic positions or spicy scenes but truly meeting another person naked and fully. When we feel safe we relax and open up our bodies and all the good neurotransmitters like oxytocin and dopamine flow freely. That makes us feel wonderful and connect more intimately. 

Overall sex can be healthy, fun and pleasurable for everybody. It can make us feel good and bring us closer to our lovers.

Why be kinky - Part 1 subs*

People ask me “why do people want to be kinky?”

This is the first part of my response. Initially looking at why do people want to be ‘subs’. Subs, submissives, bottoms.

There are a few strong reasons to be subby:

Sensation - subs are the ones receiving the kinks. These sensations can range from being tickled with silks to heavy impact play. The receiving and ‘being done to’ are key to the role. There is a clear dynamic of power. The Top is doing the actions, the sub submits. The sub is also the centre of attention. This can be a great turn on for people. Knowing that you are the focus of a scene is really powerful.

Power - some people really love the sensation of letting go. There is something peaceful in being able to surrender to another person. By allowing the other person to take control the bottom can enter into ‘subspace’. This is a floating blissful state of relaxation. When there is safety, excitement and pleasure a batch of neurotransmitters are released (oxytocin, Serotonin and endorphins) to make us feel great. Powerlessness, not being in control is very profound for people who daily need to be in control. Paradoxically it is said in kink scene that the sub has the power because they have safe words and can stop anything anytime. 

Creativity - Being a sub can mean that you are in a creative process. Possibly cocreating the scene or just being the ‘blank’ canvas for the Top to fill with erotic charge. There can also be role play for the sub, to pretend that you’re a character that turns you on.

In Sexological Bodywork we use a process called Core Erotic Theme. The CET is like your erotic blueprint, the cluster of scenes or sensation that thrill you. This was originally developed by Jack Morin to help his clients understand their arousal. CET is important in kink, it allows people to access deep excitement. If you are interested in finding out more about your CET contact me on my website www.jeremyshub.com

*There is a protocol in some BDSM scenes for subs/bottoms to have lower case and Tops/Doms to be upper case.

Why be Kinky? - Part 2 Tops

What is Topping? - Topping, Doms/Domme, Sadists, why? Power, pain and passion?

I’m sure there are a wide variety of reasons that someone wants to be a Top. 

Being a Top is the person in a kink scene that is ‘doing’ the action. They are the person holding space, directing the scene and directing the bottom. Doms, dominants like to have control and power. Doms can also be Tops, Sadists or Service Tops. Tops can be kind, they can be cruel.

Here are some different types of Tops:

Sadists - Usually people first think of Sadists, getting off on causing pain for others. There are people like this, they match with bottoms that enjoy pain or really like to serve. This is an edgy place to play, often it involves high levels of pain, both physically and mentally. Sadists can get into murky water with scenes and need very strong boundaries and comprehensive negotiation. There is a thrill to play at the edge.

Service Tops - These people enjoy giving an experience for the bottom, even if it’s not their kink. Service is a pleasure of its own. When you see the joy from creating a person's fantasy and ecstasy. This service can be for pain or pleasure or headfuckery.

Professional Dominatrixes - Pro Doms are people being paid to be Doms. They are highly trained and committed people. Pro Doms are motivated by income and often have a high value to serve. They can also use a passion for kink to be a daily experience. These people are often called Mistress if female. 

***Another title is Master (and the bottoms are called slaves) There is currently a conversation in the kink scene to change these titles. Because of the politicals, suffering and history of slavery. It is used by many people in different ways.

Conscious Healthy Radical Relationship Paradigm - REALationships

There is a healthy, real and deeply radical way to have relationships.

I have been researching committed romantic relationships all my life. First as a young adult and making horrible mistakes with people. Currently as a relationship counsellor. In addition, I am always reading on the topic and informally interviewing people about what works. Sidenote - I’m talking about both monogamous and polyamorous relationships, mostly about longer-term, committed, romantic and erotic.

I’m noticing some people around me currently having strong and deeper intimacy with each other. I decided to write down some of the qualities they employ in these relationships. The people having these experiences seem to be about my age (I’m nearly 50!), or at least one of the people is this age. This means they have completed Fucked-Up Relationship 101, Basic Communication 101 and other personal development and a period of therapy.

Some of the headings in this post relate to the individual, some relate to the relationship.  When I do relationship counselling it is sometimes important to separate “What is my business? What's your business? What's our combined business?” I regard the relationship as a separate entity. Sometimes we need to go off and see our friends or therapist to process relational content. At other times that compost needs to be turned with our beloved. 

Here is my understanding of the criteria for being in a REALationships Paradigm.

Emotionally mature 

It’s hard to describe emotional maturity. It sounds arrogant to claim being emotionally mature. The analogy I use to describe it, some people really want to be skilful in tennis or ballet, some people aspire to be skilful with emotions. These people can accept a wider emotional range, they are more comfortable in feeling more ups and down. They can introspect and sense emotions, then they have the ability to articulate them to others. They are not attached to particular emotions, not happy goal focused, nor avoiding ‘negative’ emotions. Emotional intelligence, emotional literacy. Emotional alchemy, yuk feelings shared into gold. Witnessing another person's strong feelings, is not, rescuing, fixing, saving, being a carer for them, it's witnessing. Using feeling language. Maturity is an act, not an accident.

Vulnerable - The Power of no Protection

This word means many things to different people. My simplest understanding of vulnerability is to show yourself fully, emotions, shame, to risk looking like all your fears. Being vulnerable is being honest with someone else and telling them things that might be secrets, fears, messiness and shameful. It is critical for building trust between people, when you show up as real and sensitive, risking being rejected, ridiculed or abandoned. The trust is vital to make NRP work, each person has to open their hearts and allow the other person in. Trust is saying “I’m scared, and I’ll share my true self with you”. Surrender, the heart can be trusted. The combination of courageous, honest and transparent is potent for connection and intimacy. Each corner of this triangle is important for building the trust bridge. Being transparent with each other means not lying or omitting. I have always found this difficult, I was scared of telling the truth. Now it feels like a necessary element of relating (it still challenges me to show up fully in truth, and I do it). It takes courage and strength to speak honestly when you might feel that you will be rejected. There is a primal fear of rejection, being too much, being too weird, too different, too sensitive, too needy etc. And after the honesty is the possibility of full acceptance and even being celebrated for your genuine authentic self. Hopefully each person can welcome all parts of the other, even if those parts are challenging to beliefs, unconscious values and meaning.

Interdependent

Be able to support the others inner child at times - Codependency, the sweetheart of pop culture, the slow release poison of enmeshed relationships. Interdependence, a healthy way for people to support each other without being lifelong crutches. Interdependence is a collaborative gesture when, at times, one person can lean on the other for support. And this can be reciprocated from the other. I believe it's appropriate for the ‘adult’ part of person A to care for the ‘child’ part of person B. The IMPORTANT thing to remember is that person A is not always the carer, person B is not acting out child. Mostly the people are grown up, mature adults, that can self soothe or seek support outside the relationship. There is a balance of occasionally being supported by a partner, vs always being carried. Stay true and aligned to self, at the same time allowing the possibility of feedback, growth and healing - There is a sweet spot for this. Unconscious partnering often fails when one person gives up totally on themself and just morphs to be what they expect the other person wants them to be. Or equally bad, one person digs their heels in deep and refuses to change anything about themself. Both situations are probably about insecurity. So, try to stay genuine and authentically yourself. Simultaneously our beloveds can see us really clearly, they can see our blindspots. Listening to their reflection of how they see us can be super helpful. Except, when they are projecting their shit on us (that’s a whole book in its self). So be real, be open, be critical and connect deeply. Make space for each other. We should not be living in each other’s pockets. I have been told that some tantra communities make couples have separate bedrooms. Each partner can invite the other for a sleepover or sleep alone. If you live with a partner or separate, allowing each other to have connection then separation is important. The time apart is needed for solo time or experiences with other people. It’s good to sip from the cup, you don’t need to skull the whole bottle.

Do the individual work 

Another amorphous expression, do the work. ‘The Work’ means that a person has made a significant effort to heal, learn and grow on the inside. We are all trauma survivors, we all have wounds to heal from our childhoods. Some have more and some less, the wounds are different sizes, colours and shapes. Doing the work means consciously taking time to get professional and community help to clean up the wounds and learn how to relate in a mature way. There are endless modalities available to do this inner work. Personally, I have found a collage approach works for me. I have received healing and teaching from, ceremony, therapy, plant medicine, massage, sexological bodywork, acupuncture, circle work, prayer, nature, dance, surrender and esoteric teachers. 

Stay in the Container

Stay in the container when it's hot, or dip out to cool off, then return - This!!! This is one of the most important parts to the NRP - stay in the container. Stay committed to the relationship, even when you want to run away, withdraw, hide, give up. At the same time know when it’s toooooo hot to touch, then , pause, take a breath, step back for a moment. Tell each other “I’m to triggered, I’m in a trauma response, I can’t manage this situation now. I’d like to take 30 minutes to deregulate, then I’ll come back. Can we just hug when I return?” Otherwise, if you can handle the heat, stay with the dynamic. That doesn’t mean insulting, blaming, criticising, attacking or acting out crazy. There might be anger and other strong emotions. It might be important to move, breathe, laugh, cry, be silent, touch, wrestle or other. Again these are moments to be vulnerable (“I feel scared, hurt or sad”) or to build trust by staying together. Many many people have triggers around abandonment and rejection (attachment wounds), keeping communication open and staying present to the heat is critical to repair and build trust. Another caveat, DON’T stay in abusive relationships. There are great similarities between hot processing and abusive relationships. The difference can be seen by other people around you, if you’re constantly complaining about your partner to friends, then it's probably problematic - and you can ask them (although if it's abusive you probably won't listen to them). The healthy and occasionally hot relationship will feel warm and juicy after a crisis.

Trauma informed

We are all trauma survivors. We all need to do trauma processing. You will accidentally trigger someone's trauma response, they might activate their sympathetic nervous system. If this happens you’re on thin ice, tread carefully. Being trauma informed means knowing your shit and knowing their shit - it’s generally not personal. 95% of the drama in relationships is transference, that means transferring shit from our unconscious past onto the trusted person in front of me. 95% of people in the world do this 100% of the time. It takes an effort when our system is activated to remember to slow down, breathe, speak and do all the catastrophe plans. Again, sometimes there is too much heat to hold space for the other person. This is high level work. NRP is for experienced players. Knowing yourself and owning the hot messy parts is crucial. Knowing own triggers - Know thy self! Write your own instruction manual. It is really really helpful if you know what triggers you. It is possible to tell your partner, then when it happens and your prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) goes off line, someone else has the safety evacuation manual, they can hug you, or similar. Also it is possible to preempt when these things might happen, certain people or environments might make you super anxious, nervous, scared etc.

Nurturing the relationship 

There is a simple metaphor, committed relationships are like a plant, they need, water, nutrients, sunlight and air to grow. It’s easy in the initial phase of limerence (fancy word for the honeymoon time) to just have fruity sex, show your shiny side and cruise. Then the wheels fall off and someone gets triggered. Now there is work to do. At the same time, there needs to be nutrients, going on dates, sitting down together for deep conversations, having fun, making time for connection. Understand the other before being understood - this is a conflict rule. Seek an understanding of the other person before mouthing off about your position. Miracles can come from understanding the other person. ‘Aha’ moments, that why person C acts funny before the family dinners, now I understand. Asking questions, “Can you please explain to me why you do that? This skill to seek understanding will level up relationships. It’s not always possible when there is anger or adrenaline. Do your best. 

Each responsible for part of the conflict

I go red when people in my relationship counselling want to blame the other person for all the mess. No! Responsibility is shared in varying proportions between all the people. Unless there is malice (run away if you see red flags), we assume that conflict is unintentional. There is always something person A did or didn’t do, the same for person B. Take ownership for the mess, blaming is useless. The same goes for trying to change someone else so they are more like you. The same for arguing to try and change someone's mind. We can accept the differences in the other person. Apologize. Simple, know how and when to apologise. This is a skillset, read “Why don’t people apologise” by Harriet Learner for the full details. This is a 102 level skill. Do it often (not in a ‘I’m not worthy’ way) and when appropriate. Apologising for fuck ups is vital to healthy mature relationships. Also learn to how to respond to other peoples apologies (It’s in the book). It is important to accept that your partner is similar, and different from you. Most people try to force the other to change into being like them. It’s wiser to accept the difference and move on.

Be Sexuality open to each other

Touch, pleasure and Eros; they give us intimacy neurotransmitters, endorphins, serotonin and oxytocin. Social bonding comes from skin to skin and pleasure. I am a great fan of the sex positive movement. That doesn’t mean having sex all the time. It doesn’t mean having kinky sex or wild sex. It just means being open to the other person's sexuality and accepting it. Not everyone is going to be perfectly compatible with sex. See if you can find a place to meet and agree about the interests you share. Or find new ones that are compatible. Or give me a call, I love talking about sexuality and relationships jeremyshub.com

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries

Know how to say ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘maybe’. While this is a 101 skill, it is also a 201 and 301 level. All people need to learn about the boundary of their safety. And then tell other people about that. Trauma survivors (all of us) are not always great at boundaries for particular reasons. This is a major trust factor, I trust people more when they can say no to me. And when they know what they want and ask for it (yes). And have the ability to know when to negotiate a situation. The work of Betty Martin is extraordinary in this field. Needs - shames cousin Needs. If by miracle your needs line up perfectly, sweet AF. Usually they don't, how to manage different needs? You don't, can't won't. Unmet needs, resentment, Hidden needs, tiring, too needly? Unknown needs, toxic. The best approach, speak them at least, then they’ll stop hanging around with Shame. Then there is a chance they will be met, or negotiated and accepted. Timing of needs, take turns? Self care and self regulation - This is tricky to describe. On the down side it depends on privilege, power, resources and trauma awareness. I’m also learning that being perky and distracting is not trauma processing. Sometimes we need to fall gracefully and surf the waves of dark emotions. On the up side, being kind to yourself is really important. The kindness and self care can be talking nicely to yourself instead of punishing and being critical. Then there are generic things like a bath, a walk, reaching out to a friend. Self regulation is complex and personal. My general goto is ‘breathe, move, make a sound’. That gets me out of 87% of bad spots. I have also found spooning the greatest deregulation strategy - if you can find another spoon.

Caveats

Some people like drama and are NOT relationship ready. They could benefit from therapy or similar healing modalities. 

This model is informed by Intersectional theory, it should be taken in regard to queerness, gender, patriarchy, colonisation and any other structural oppression of people. People with intersection oppression or trauma will be able to participate in this model. They may find the map needs to be customised to their terrain. For example see the amazing writing of Clementine Morrigan https://www.clementinemorrigan.com/

The Pay Off

Oh BTW - There is a gift for you in doing this work. The payoff - healing, release, freedom, intimacy, juicy and play. Gifts and gold from the emotional alchemy. New maps and terrain xo

How To Care For Your Sex Toys

I love sex toys, I could spend all day in sex shops and buying online. I even love that they’re called ‘toys’ - the things that adults play with! It makes me laugh that they used to be called ‘marital aids’.

I have drawers full of dildos, plugs, things that vibrate and many many kink things. Some of them I use for a while then forget. Others I just keep returning to with passion. In my sex therapy and sex education sessions I often recommend toys for people and couples. Although I get annoyed at the magazine advice of buying toys to ‘spice up your life’, sometimes something new can really be fun. Also the technology keeps changing and improving. At the moment lots of people are having a buzz with remote controlled vibrators. It’s true that adults need play also.

Sex toys - One google search will show you that people have a lot of questions around how to clean sexy toys. … How do I clean my sex toys? What toys can I safely share with partners? How do I sterilise my sex toys? The search results are endless and overwhelming.

It is really important to clean all your sex toys. This can be both to clean off the body fluids and to disinfect. For most toys cleaning with soap and water is enough to remove poop, all gender ejaculate, spit, blood etc. The materials of different toys might need different methods of cleaning. Glass, stainless steel and silicone can withstand high temperature and vigorous scrubbing. These materials are best because they are non-porous, nothing can get stuck in the toy.

Disinfecting toys is important to stop the transmission of STI’s between people or between your own offices. It’s a general rule not to cross-pollinate from ass to vagina because rectal microbes are bad for vaginal health. I use Viraclear for all my toys, you can get it from medical supply shops or sex shops. Viraclean should be left on the surface for 15 minutes for full effect. Most sex shops will have a sufficient toy disinfectant for sale. There are variations to these suggestions depending on the toy and the body fluids it comes into contact with. Bloodborne STIs like HIV and Hep C are really dangerous and often keepers for life. If there is blood from kinky play or similar then the toy can be cleaned thoroughly and exposed to sunlight, most STI’s deteriorate off the body after some time.

There is no one rule for them all. Some people have ‘monogamous’ toys, this means that they are labeled with a persons name and only that can can use it. Depending on the toy and the context you will need to use different protocols. This guide will help you determine different cleaning strategies for different materials.

Sex Bod is MY PASSION!

When I did my training in Sex Bod (Sexological Bodywork) I felt like I had come home. It was so so so exciting to combine my passion for sex education and bodywork. I know that as a sex educator I can talk to people about their bodies and sexuality, but, being able to show someone on their body is 1000% easier and clearer. The people who come for sessions are usually deeply moved by the experience. It really thrills me to offer this service. Giving people an opportunity to know themselves and find new ways to connect. The connections can be with solo sex or sexual experiences with other people.

Sex Bod is an educational modality, often using touch to help people learn and heal with their bodies and sexuality. It can be called erotic or somatic as a way to explain the intersection of learning, bodies and sex. It is helpful for individuals, couples and groups for their exploration of pleasure. Each session is customized to the individuals, each practitioner can interpret the modality to suit the situation. If there is touch it is usually ‘one-way’, meaning the practitioner is having their hands on the participant. Rather than a ‘two-way’ touch where both people can touch each other.

If touch is involved the people in the session will make very clear boundaries and discuss a consent agreement before anything happens. Many sessions involved a massage table or similar. 

For individuals the sessions might involve erotic mapping of the body, this often includes the genital or anus. The sessions are clothing-optional, some people are fully clothed while others will be partially or fully naked. Sex Bod places a big focus on self-pleasure as a way for people to understand their own bodies. Sex Bod can happen with groups of lovers or in workshops too.

People come to see a sexological bodyworker for a range of reasons including premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, inability to orgasm, relief from pelvic pain, couples wanting to enhance their sex life, learning to give and receive pleasure, recovering sexual functioning and pleasure after childbirth, genital, pelvic or breast surgery, accepting and loving one’s body, gender and sexuality or to find a deeper understanding of pleasure. People often find their way to Sex Bod through the referral of a therapist, doctor, social worker or massage therapist.

Sex Bod places great importance on breath, movement, sound, touch and the focus of attention (I could write essays on each of these topics). There is an emphasis on connection to our own pleasure and bodies. These fundamental experiences are vital to finding healing and pleasure.

My own journey with sex bod started before I did the training. I received 10 sessions from a very experienced practitioner. I had a healing in my body that significantly changed my life. I had been working on this part of my body for years with talk therapists and the medical profession. It was from the sex bod sessions that I felt safe and guided to trust. Profoundly the pain disappeared and has never returned. I am committed to offering this service for more people.