Why be Kinky? Part 1 subs
Why be kinky - Part 1 subs*
People ask me “why do people want to be kinky?”
This is the first part of my response. Initially looking at why do people want to be ‘subs’. Subs, submissives, bottoms.
There are a few strong reasons to be subby:
Sensation - subs are the ones receiving the kinks. These sensations can range from being tickled with silks to heavy impact play. The receiving and ‘being done to’ are key to the role. There is a clear dynamic of power. The Top is doing the actions, the sub submits. The sub is also the centre of attention. This can be a great turn on for people. Knowing that you are the focus of a scene is really powerful.
Power - some people really love the sensation of letting go. There is something peaceful in being able to surrender to another person. By allowing the other person to take control the bottom can enter into ‘subspace’. This is a floating blissful state of relaxation. When there is safety, excitement and pleasure a batch of neurotransmitters are released (oxytocin, Serotonin and endorphins) to make us feel great. Powerlessness, not being in control is very profound for people who daily need to be in control. Paradoxically it is said in kink scene that the sub has the power because they have safe words and can stop anything anytime.
Creativity - Being a sub can mean that you are in a creative process. Possibly cocreating the scene or just being the ‘blank’ canvas for the Top to fill with erotic charge. There can also be role play for the sub, to pretend that you’re a character that turns you on.
In Sexological Bodywork we use a process called Core Erotic Theme. The CET is like your erotic blueprint, the cluster of scenes or sensation that thrill you. This was originally developed by Jack Morin to help his clients understand their arousal. CET is important in kink, it allows people to access deep excitement. If you are interested in finding out more about your CET contact me on my website www.jeremyshub.com
*There is a protocol in some BDSM scenes for subs/bottoms to have lower case and Tops/Doms to be upper case.